Ten Years Ago

Ten years ago, I wanted the following things:
* a new car
* my kids to breeze through school
* a certain amount of income
* an ideal weight

It seemed that all of my friends had all or most of these items, so I wanted them, too. Oh, I definitely could justify everything on the list.

* a new car--you know, just once in my life! The only new car I had, Wayne bought just prior to our wedding, so I didn't choose it. I would sit in a friend's brand new ride--complete with heated seats, separate air temp controls, ALL the amenities--and just wish I could have that rather than a used vehicle, complete with worn places on the seats or scratches in various places.

*  my kids to breeze through school--you know, I pretty much did, so why shouldn't they be able to do the same? To do well in school would mean good scholarships, a lucrative but fulfilling career, some security for them and their families.  I just wished for them to have an easy time rather than having to re-teach one kid math every night, proofreading God only knows how many essays and research papers, and discovering that our autistic child (who came later in life) would probably always struggle with reading comprehension and social situations.

*  a certain amount of income --you know, so we just wouldn't have to struggle anymore. From the moment we married, money was always tight and that associated anxiety was getting tiresome. I just wished I had that certain amount rather than the scraping, planning, and denying that was par for the course.

* an ideal weight -- you know, because after my children were hitting upper elementary school, I should be able to lose the weight because I had a more regular schedule, the kids could be left alone while I exercised and such.  I just wished I could zoom to that weight quickly and without too much effort rather than looking at a mini muffin and gaining 5 pounds just by looking.

Here I am, 10 years later, and I laugh at what I wanted then.

* a new car? At least with used vehicles, we never owed more than the car was worth, and if the kids made a mess or we ruined something, it wasn't so devastating. I doubt that anyone was ever tempted to steal our vehicles, either!  Kristen began to name our vehicles, and somehow, that endeared them to us, even if they were "problem cars."  Since she began naming them, we've had Bonnie (Bonneville), Sheldon (Concorde...it can be temperamental, like Sheldon from BIG BANG THEORY),  The Man Car (The men of the family could do whatever they wanted in/to it--but it was given to us when we desperately needed a vehicle!), Ronnie (Rendezvous), Alfred (sleek and black...somehow Kristen thought of Alfred from BATMAN fame), and Bane (a Saturn).

*  my kids to breeze through school? Kristen had to work very hard in school to get the grades that she earned. Math was especially hard, but she took 4 years of it in high school to earn an academic honors diploma. College is not easy for her, but she has learned a lot about life (some professors don't care and won't help...sometimes you have to be proactive and be your own advocate...finding friends who can help you...not waiting until the last minute to do things...), and I wouldn't want to take that away from her. Nick earns solid grades, but he also has to work hard in some areas.  Ryan has to work extra hard--as do we as parents--just to keep up with his peers. I don't know what next year or the next ten years will bring, but this kid has a great attitude right now. When he learns, his face lights up--and the whole family feels the pride in his success.  Even though we're tired most nights, to hear him read to us, to hear him use new vocabulary, to see him make progress just thrills us. We're all closer as a result.

* a certain amount of income?  My perspective on money changed when we had to live the past two years on 1/2 of our income. We had groceries, I learned to stretch our money better, we ate out rarely, and we learned to savor and enjoy special treats.  We had a roof over our heads and the utilities were on...gas in the vehicles...basic phones to communicate. At first, I was scared about not having the income I was used to...then I became resentful that it was virtually impossible for Wayne to find full time employment...then I looked around and realized that God was providing us with the necessities. There were several times there was really no food in the frig or the pantry and it was still a few days until my paycheck would come...and someone would bring us a grocery store gift card, or someone brought us freezer beef, or my mom would cart in a homemade meal, still warm. Luck? I don't think so. It was God's provision in the hard times.  I don't mind what other people have now--it's their decision and their responsibility.  I just know that I'm a lot more interested in my family now than in my house, my furniture, my stuff.

* an ideal weight?  Of course, we all want to be the ideal weight, right now, with as little work as possible. It's just not going to happen for most of us, and last June I decided to make some changes. Nothing had worked for years...I just steadily gained weight.  Once I accepted that this process was going to take a while and that there would be periods of plateaus and periods of progress--that the weight didn't come on overnight nor would I take it off overnight--I've had a much better outlook on the process.  Not too long ago, an aunt asked me about my new diet. I told her, "It's not a diet. It's a new way to live." I've lost 23 pounds and am so proud of myself...but I still have another 40 to lose to be at my ideal weight. I love the way I feel now, and I want to keep this up so that I can be a healthier mom, wife, teacher, and friend.  This hasn't been easy, but I'm doing it the right way--and hopefully that will mean I'll maintain once I get to the goal weight.

As so many reflect on the past year and make resolutions/goals for the next, I've decided I'm not going to wish my life would be different.  Somehow, always wishing/wanting/hoping/praying for situations to be different didn't make them different--it just kept me unsatisfied.  For 2013, I pray God will help me to be satisfied and thankful for all I do have--to see the positives of every situation, even if the situation really doesn't seem that positive on the surface.